What To Do After A College Rejection
My grandmother told me that only three things are guaranteed in life: death, taxes, and college rejection. Although we all hope of finding a comically large package with some cliché line written across the front from our favorite universities (“You’re In!”, “We’d Love To Have You!”, “You’re A *Insert Mascot Here*!”) , we’re bound to have some other ones thrown into the mix. Those sad, small letters with only one piece of paper to be found within its menacing envelope, saying something along the lines of, “We greatly appreciate your application and interest in our school; but, unfortunately, we are not able to offer you admission.”
Sadness, anger, disappointment--a wave of emotions crash over you as you stand in front of your dining room table, but the biggest is confusion. What do I do now? Well, I’m glad you asked, and I have an answer to your rhetorical question. Dealing with college rejections can be difficult, but I’ve compiled a list of foolproof techniques to help you sort through your emotions and better prepare yourself for the next journey life has in store for you--and most importantly, your revenge.
1. Go to a nearby hill and curse the wind
You probably have a lot of pent-up anger from that rejection letter, and numerous scientific studies show that allowing those negative emotions to fester inside you can lead to psychological damage. What better way to release those feelings than standing on top of a hill with the wind howling around you, much like Julie Andrews in The Sound Of Music? Granted, the wind probably doesn’t have much (or probably anything) to do with you not getting into your top school, but you’ll definitely feel better afterwards. Bonus Tip: Invite your friends so they can take pictures of you looking like an off-brand version of Pocahontas!
2. Seek pity from any and all of your friends
No matter how much we hate to admit it, we love having people feel bad for us. Not only does it get us the attention we constantly desire as human beings, but it also has the chance of getting us free food. Milk this rejection for all that it’s worth, especially since most of your friends will be leaving in a couple of months, so this is your last real chance to get them to buy you dinner or a guinea pig--whichever you prefer.
3. Rebel against your parents and claim your home as your own
Since your plans of going to college are now officially canceled, you’ll most likely be living at home for the next 2 to 32 years. However, you have to make sure your family doesn’t view you as a child anymore. You are now an adult who just so happens to live with their family and has their mom do their laundry. You need to prove that you have control of your living circumstances, and the best way to do that is to establish dominance over your family. Pee on the floor, use a label maker to put your name on everything--do whatever it takes to show your mom that she’s living under your roof now.
4. Track down the people who did get in and try to become them (no, literally)
If you were really devoted to your top school that you were rejected from, you would do anything to get in. This includes crying, begging, and potentially getting plastic surgery. One great way to find the people who were accepted is online forums and social media. You’ll need to learn everything about them: their mannerisms, their background, their SAT score, and--most importantly--their appearance. Much like Lindsay Lohan in The Parent Trap, you now have to become this person. Your new persona needs to be practically perfect by the time move-in day comes around and you take their admission spot. You may be wondering: what do I do with the real person? Well, I’ll leave that to your imagination.
5. Scream whilst walking through your high school’s hallways to express your misery
One of the worst parts of applying to college is being consistently asked for status updates over and over and over and over and over again from different people. This process becomes even more painful when you have to tell everyone you were rejected from your top school that everyone was so sure you’d get into. If only there were a way for people to know not to ask you about such a touchy subject...Oh wait, there is! Screaming while walking through the hallways of your high school not only warn people not to talk/interact/look at you, but it also allows you to release a fraction of the anger you hold in the black hole that’s replaced your heart.
Overall, getting rejected from college is a rough time to go through as a high school senior; but you don’t have to suffer. Well, I take that back, you probably will suffer. You’ll feel as if there’s no hope left in the world, like tomorrow won’t come, like you’ll amount to nothing, and all of those are probably true. However, these tips and tricks will hopefully help to numb the constant pain you’ll be experiencing until you either commit to a different school or plot your ultimate revenge. And keep in mind, everyone experiences failure--well, except me.
Picture: https://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/articles/2017-08-01/6-common-reasons-why-college-applications-get-rejected
